Tuesday, February 14, 2012



Q&A with Sterling Anderson and Stephanie Dart, authors of


What made you want to write a book about cheating?

SA:To make amends and to painfully break down some barriers between men and women so they can build better relationships between one another. Men keep telling the same old lies and women keep buying them.

SD:To empower women to open their eyes and make informed decisions based on reality and the truth of their situations.

Can this book really tell someone if their partner is stepping out?

SA:This book is not a genie in a bottle, but it can give a person clues happening right in front of their eyes they may be completely missing.

SD:The signs show women a possibility. Further investigation and discussion with their partners is essential. No one sign is proof of cheating, but it is something to pay attention to.

What kind of research went into Does He Cheat?

SA:We started interviewing men about eight years ago. Some of them were friends who understood I might one day put their answers anonymously in a book. Others were mild acquaintances or strangers who thought my questions were unusual but engaging.

SD:We asked hundreds of men to share a sign of their cheating. Some people we knew personally and some were strangers in a bar or café. All knew their answers would remain anonymous.

What did you find are some of the most obvious signs your partner might be cheating, and maybe more importantly, some of the lesser known signs?

SA:A dead cell phone was the most used. Buying new underwear threw me for a loop but came up more than once so it made the frequently flyer list.

SD:The most obvious are going to strip clubs and hanging with friends who are cheaters, but starting a fight is more subtle and sometimes overlooked.

The book is very hard-hitting and to the point. There's no sugar coating it for readers. Did you feel this was the only way to get the point across?

SA:After we wrote the first draft we decided to go back and take the pretty and cute out of the book. Once we did that it became more hard hitting.

SD:It didn’t start that way, but the disbelieving reaction by some of the women readers show us that the blunt, to the point statements open their eyes better and break through their shells of disbelief and that “I don’t want to know” frame of mind.

Sterling – as a self proclaimed Recovering Cheater® – what kind of steps do people take to stop their indIscrections?

SA:Accountability is the most important step for any cheater. A lot of cheaters do not and will never feel accountable. A cheater has to understand that there is no free lunch. No matter what the agreement is between two people having an affair, someone is going to get hurt. Someone can tell you, “I’m cool with this or I don’t care if you are in a relationship or married” all day long, but eventually this too shall end. More often than not it will end very badly.

Are you trying to offer relationship advice in this book?

SA:That (advice) is for professionals. This book is only the first step for women in pulling their heads out of the sand and no longer wanting to be an ostrich.

SD:The only advice we can offer is “be honest.” That’s all. There’s a reason lying is the 50th sign; all signs are about lies.

Stephanie, what kind of advice do you provide for women who suspect their man is cheating?

SD:Try not to react to one suspicion. Keep your head instead of jumping to conclusions, and investigate further. Talk to your partner and try to work it out together to see what’s really going on.

Does this book work for men, too? Are the signs the same for men and women?

SD:Mostly, the signs can be flipped and applied to women, but there are a few that are purely male. I don’t know of any massage parlors that give women happy endings….

Are you working on any other book like this?

SA:Yes, there were so many stories that they had to be chronicled and put into a follow up book. Perhaps in a different format, like a novel.


Follow Does He Cheat? Confessions from Men: 50 Signs Your Partner May Be Cheating on
Facebook (Facebook.com/DoesHeCheat) and Twitter (@DoesHeCheat).

What’s it about?


A man was asked, “Why do you cheat on your wife?”
His answer was, “Because I can.”

Another man was asked, “Who do you cheat with?”
His answer was, “Whoever sits in my lap.”

Does He Cheat? is a non-fiction book that takes a peek behind the curtain of lies men tell and women choose to ignore.

Hundreds of men were asked, “If your girlfriend or wife paid the least amount of attention to a sign that you are cheating, what would that sign be?”

When the men were promised total anonymity they began to regale us with shocking answers to this question. These men lift the veil and shine a flashlight on the signs their wives, partners and girlfriends continue to ignore. Yes, pornography and strip clubs are gateway drugs to cheating, and yes, your man can be influenced by his cheating friends.

Does He Cheat? is an empowering book for women that allows them to take a look inside the mythical ‘Man Bible’ on the chapter called ‘cheating.’

Like most accidents, infidelity happens within a few miles of your own home. Is your man really re-wiring the neighbor’s kitchen, or is that what he wants you to believe?

If you are a woman who wants to stop ignoring the signs your man is showing that say something might be amiss in your relationship, read Does He Cheat?.


Follow Does He Cheat? Confessions from Men: 50 Signs Your Partner May Be Cheating on
Facebook (Facebook.com/DoesHeCheat) and Twitter (@DoesHeCheat).



Sterling Norman Anderson is a self-proclaimed Recovering Cheater™ who shares some of the deepest secrets of real cheating men in his new book Does He Cheat?. He splits his time between Toronto, where his family lives, and Los Angeles, where he works as an accomplished screenwriter. Anderson’s teleplay “The Simple Life of Noah Dearborn” starring Sidney Poitier received three Emmy nominations and won an Image Award. He’s written on the hit network television shows CBS’s “The Unit” and NBC’s “Medium” and “Heist,” and is the author of two books on writing, Beyond Screenwriting (http://sterlingandersonwriter.com/) and Writing Without Fear.


Stephanie Dart brings the female perspective to Does He Cheat?, empowering women to stop ignoring the signs that their partner might be cheating and to do something about it while holding on to their self-esteem. She has worked as a professional trainer for 25 years in subjects from management and sales, to electronic medical record systems. Now living in Los Angeles, Dart received a bachelor’s degree in health education from Kansas University and her master’s in educational technology from California Lutheran University.


Follow Does He Cheat? Confessions from Men: 50 Signs Your Partner May Be Cheating on
Facebook (Facebook.com/DoesHeCheat) and Twitter (@DoesHeCheat).


Follow Does He Cheat? Confessions from Men: 50 Signs Your Partner May Be Cheating on
Facebook (Facebook.com/DoesHeCheat) and Twitter (@DoesHeCheat).

Excerpts from Does He Cheat? by Sterling Anderson and Stephanie Dart

PREFACE (excerpt)

If you married a professional athlete, an entertainer, a professional gambler, a strip club owner, or other high-profile career man, this book is not for you! You have chosen the high risk partner—one who most likely WILL cheat.

If you, however, have not partnered with such a man,
read on! What you read may save your marriage, your self esteem, and your valuable time that could be spent loving someone else.

These confessions were commonly repeated by the cheaters we spoke to. We heard hundreds of ways to manipulate and deceive a wife or girlfriend. The frequent flyers made it to this book. None of what is written here is etched in stone. Those who confessed came from all types of economic backgrounds, different races, and varied cultures. The names have been changed to protect the guilty…..


A father once said to his son, “It doesn’t matter if it is a true story, just make sure it’s a good one because she wants to believe you.”(See CHEATING SIGN #24)

This book was written for all the women who want to stop believing all the ‘good stories’ their husbands, partners, or boyfriends tell. The stories keep coming, and most women continue to believe. This is understandable because of all the human conditions the most frightening is not poverty, war, or famine. The most frightening human condition is to be alone.

It is far easier to keep heads buried than to confront your partner and risk being left. You have chosen to read this book and take your head out of the sand, and to stop ignoring obvious signs that something is amiss…..

# 3

Hal, 40

“When I met a younger woman,
I had to drop 10 lbs and 10 years.”

Hal’s Story

“When a man starts changing the way he looks, look out. My ex-wife was so clueless. Everything I was doing screamed ‘I’m cheating.’ I met a young hottie who was damn near half my age. She wanted a younger-looking (and acting) man, so I gave it to her. I changed my clothes, my hair, and I shaved my moustache after seventeen years. I had to get a cooler car, and I eventually bought a motorcycle. Nothing gets the blood rushing in a young lady more than a motorcycle ride. I even shaved my pubic hair, and all my wife said was I was paying too much attention to myself. She called me ‘narcissistic’ once or twice. If she had opened her eyes she would have known that it was all blatantly telling her that I was changing my appearance to look younger for someone else.”

Advice to You

Attention all you ostriches out there! Get your heads out of the sand and look around. If he suddenly changes his physical looks, starts going to the gym, buys new toys, chances are it’s more than random narcissism or a mid-life crisis. It’s to appear younger for someone else. If something changes down there, (whether you are a man or a woman) and it’s not discussed in your bedroom, it’s probably being discussed somewhere else. More simply put; changes in the lower-parts means changes in the partnership.

When he starts taking care of himself and looking better, don't just stand there and take it. Do the same. Start looking younger and better yourself: dye your hair, hit the gym, take scuba diving classes. Get young and happy yourself. If he doesn't like the new, better you, someone else will.

# 27

Barry, 36

“It is rare that a healthy man doesn’t want sex unless of course he is satisfied outside the home.”

Barry’s Story

“As the saying goes, ‘Viagra is too expensive for my wife, and I don’t need it with my mistress.’ Kidding aside, I’ve had to perform lots of times for both my wife and my girlfriend on the same day. I was going to take Viagra because I was getting too tired to service them both, but I didn’t know how to explain it to either of them. If I refused sex from my mistress, then there wouldn’t be much reason to continue with her. So, I opted to stop having sex with my wife. I’d roll over and claim I was tired—that I had a really hard day. I’d go to bed late after my wife had turned in so I didn’t have to come up with another excuse. All things I would never do with my mistress. One day my wife complained about how infrequently we were having sex. Out of frustration, she threatened to cut me off completely. I wanted to tell her, “Honey, you can’t cut me off, ’cause you don’t know where I’m getting it from.” Instead, I just kept to my ‘too tired’ story, and she eventually left me alone.

Advice to You

Women, this is a BIG SIGN. ‘No Sex’ means he’s getting it somewhere else. Or, he’s gay. You and your partner have a pattern, a routine, when you have sex. Pay attention if that routine has changed. If sex stops, start it up again. When you don't use it, you lose it—or him.

‘I no longer want to have sex’ means, ‘I no longer want to have sex with you.’


# 41

Garreth, 47
Produce Manager

“Who doesn’t like fishing
in a barrel full of fish?”

Jim’s Story

“When I finally met someone online that I wanted to be my girlfriend, things got a little complicated. What would I do with all the other action online dating provided? I had to weigh my options. I could give up all the online hook ups for one woman I had strong feelings for, or keep the guaranteed endless string of dates I was getting from online dating services.

After a while the choice was obvious. I’d rather have my cake and eat it too. Yeah, I eventually got caught, but I got away with it because I told her I plain forgot to cancel my subscription. She watched me close my account and thought that was the end of it. I had several memberships, so canceling the one we met on didn’t matter. I continued online dating on other sites.”

Advice to You

Cheating via online dating and social networking sites is an epidemic. A large percentage of online daters say in their profiles they want a serious relationship when in fact, they just want a hook up;men and women both.

When a woman meets a man online and starts to date him regularly, she usually cancels her service. Women are nesters. The same is not true for men. Men are conquerors. This is why so many men do not cancel their online dating subscriptions after they meet someone they want to get serious about. Women assume their men have cancelled just like they did.

If you are now involved with a man you met online, ask him if he has cancelled his subscription. If unconvinced, check around online. See if he’s on other dating sites, especially those that are religion-based. Non-Jewish, non-Catholic, etc. men are posing on these sites to keep their wives and girlfriends from finding them. Most of these men are too lazy to change their user names. If he’s still online, you’ll find out soon enough.

# 45

Damon, 48
Golf Pro

“Some massages are like taking the car in for service; getting a tune up and lube job.”

Damon’s Story

“There is no way I would cheat unless it is with a pro. Hookers, masseuses, and other professionals don’t ask for my number, my e-mail, or my address. Most of the time, they don’t even want to know my name. I started getting one or two ‘rub-and-tugs’ a week and thought nothing of it. It wasn’t cheating to me to go pay someone who’s not my girlfriend. My friends spend all their spare time stressing about their side-action. They worry about getting phone calls, drive-by’s, e-mails, or unexpected visits. That’s why a man should never mess around with a civilian. Professionals are so much better. Pay up front so you don’t run the risk of paying later. It’s not personal and it doesn’t intrude on your family life.”

Advice to You

We heard it’s a common and frequently discussed belief among the male population that it’s not cheating if you don’t have to send flowers. Well, ladies, how would your man like it if you shortened your lunch to go get a quick rubdown and tickle while lying naked in a room behind a coffee shop? It’s not cheating if you keep your eyes closed, right? Well, open your eyes. Too many regular massages can be a serious sign something is fowl.

Find a masseuse for the both of you. There are many legitimate, professional massage therapists that will even come to your house.

MEDIA ALERT– September 2011
CONTACT Marissa DeCuir at JKSCommunications, 347.574.3136, marissa@jkscommunications.com


True confessions from hundreds of men! Recovering Cheater™ Sterling Anderson delivers an informative roadmap to spotting the signs. Co-author, Stephanie Dart gives sound advice to women if they suspect their partners may be stepping out.

Women are given a strong and sobering playbook from real cheating men who reveal all about their clandestine relationships and how they hide their indiscretions in the new book Does He Cheat? from self-proclaimed Recovering Cheater™ Sterling Anderson and his female writing partner Stephanie Dart.

The authors reveal the anonymous confessions from men of all types of economic backgrounds, education levels, races and cultures. They asked hundreds of men, “If your wife or girlfriend paid the least amount of attention to a sign that you are cheating, what would that sign be?” Some answers may seem obvious – but not to the oblivious. Does He Cheat? is also a road map for single women who have the courage to be aware of the giveaways from potential cheaters.

“This book was inspired and put together under the same truth I share with all my children,” Anderson said. “My advice and wisdom regarding relationships comes from the profound accumulation of all the things I have done wrong.”

Anderson and Dart also wrote Does He Cheat? with a purpose to help empower women with recommendations to counteract a cheater’s game. Dart hopes the book encourages women to “take off their rose-colored glasses and see what’s going on around them. By paying attention to the signs in Does He Cheat?, women in a cheating situation can make new informed decisions while holding on to their self-esteem.”

Some of the authors’ favorite signs your partner may be cheating, from the Does He Cheat? book:

1. A Make-over: “When I met a younger woman, I had to drop 10 lbs and 10 years.”
2. No Sex: “I don’t want sex.” means, “I don’t want sex with you.”
3. Thai, Swedish, Japanese Massages: “Any action from a pro, like a rub-and-tug, isn’t cheating.”

Does He Cheat? is out in paperback edition onwww.DoesHeCheatTheBook.comand Amazon and Barnes and Noble, as well as all eBook formats (e.g. Kindle, Nook, iPad, Kobo, Sony) onwww.Smashwords.com.

Anderson is an accomplished screenwriter who splits his time between Los Angeles and Toronto. His teleplay “The Simple Life of Noah Dearborn” starring Sidney Poitier received three Emmy nominations and won an Image Award. He’s written on the hit network television shows CBS’s “The Unit” and NBC’s “Medium” and “Heist,” and is the author of two books on writing, Beyond Screenwriting and Writing Without Fear. Co-author of Does He Cheat?, Dart has worked as a professional trainer for 25 years in subjects from management and sales, to electronic medical record systems.

Follow Does He Cheat? Confessions from Men: 50 Signs Your Partner May Be Cheating on
Facebook (Facebook.com/DoesHeCheat) and Twitter (@DoesHeCheat).

Read more:http://www.greatmindsthinkaloud.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=interviews&thread=1102&page=1#ixzz1mN0rbtLb

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